Zac Efron… He’s So Not Straight

13 Sep

Fedora? Perfect Skin? Sun Kissed Tan? The only thing straight about this High School Musical-er is his perfectly coiffed hair.

There are a few celebrities that walk that ambiguous line between #straight and str8, and we all know str8 means he’s so not straight. Who is the Queen straight not straight man? Zac Fucking Efron.

Zac Efron is the straightest not straight man we know. The only thing straight about him is his hair texture, and that’s thanks to dollops and dollops of product, courtesy of ex-girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens. In fact, when they broke up, he probably raided her product drawer and took a year’s supply of Garnier Fructise with him…

Straight men don’t use Garnier Fructise.

Ladies, if you’re still into Zac Efron, back the fuck up. He is so #DTB it isn’t even funny. Vanessa Hudgens couldn’t even get him up with some full frontal sexting, and we all know that bitch tried.

Just being Zac Efron violates at least a dozen things that straight men don’t do. They sure as hell don’t wear #man capris. Straight men don’t star in #musicals about high school. The only fucking straight man we’ve ever seen in a musical was Hugh Jackman, and the jury is still out on his high kicks.

Need we keep going? When was the last time you saw a straight man leaving Target with perfectly coiffed hair and a deep rich sunless tan? What was that? #Ryan Seacrest? Exactly. Straight men don’t tan on purpose. They get their tans from playing touch football shirtless on frat lawns. #Tanning booths? Straight men don’t, and we bet you anything Zac Efron is down to tan in a booth.

So the next time you find yourself on a couch watching #Grey’s Anatomy with Zac Efron, scoot on over, hand him another #vodka cran and remind yourself that he’s SO not straight.

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2 Responses to “Zac Efron… He’s So Not Straight”

  1. jessiepeace September 14, 2011 at 11:45 am #

    If i go the sun beds (tanning booths) the most people in there are men, its begun to get fashionable for men to be groomed these days.
    Jessie.

    • straightmendont September 14, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

      Jessie, you’ve brought up a good point. They are doing it all the time. Why? Because they heard other str8 bois were doing it, and consider it a safe place to check each other out with their straight bros asking what the deal is. Trust us… stay far unless you plan on being left at the alter by a guy like me… probably named Guy.

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