…Wear Man Capris

14 Sep

Look at those super sexy cavs! Better to squat thrust with, bois!

We used to think that nothing  could stump us. Show us a man trying to pass himself off as straight, for whatever reason, and we’d call him out faster than #Ryan Seacrest could ask for a hair straightener.

Enter the Manpri.

There are two kinds of men who wear Manpris. Yard boys and gay hipsters. Ladies shouldn’t be hitting on either of these men anyway. Straight men don’t even know what Manpris are.

What are these ambiguous bottoms anyway? They are calf length trousers, somewhere between a short and a pant. Your grandmother would probably call them peddle pushers. Regardless, they’re fucking fabulous. And they’re fucking gay.

No man can be taken seriously claiming to be straight, throwing a frisbee around with his bros, while wearing man capris. We don’t give a shit if your pants were dragging and you just rolled them up to capri-length. Bois, if you see a man walking around wearing man capris, he’s probably #down to bend.

Need further proof? Just ask yourself who brought the man capri back into style. That’s right. #Zac Fucking Efron. Need we say more?

So what do you do if you see a seriously straight bro walking around in man capris? Have absolutely no fear, and hit on him, day or fucking night. Who cares if he has a girlfriend. If she knew better, she wouldn’t let her fairy-in-training out of the house in freaking knickerbockers. What? I thought he was a paper boy!

Don’t take this dude seriously, though. He’s almost begging to be hit on. Save your #cosmo money, keep your #Thursday night open for someone else, and just make a solid pass. This one is fail safe, we almost guarantee it.


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