Tag Archives: College Sports

…Play Volleyball

18 Sep

We’ll concede one thing about straight men across the board. They enjoy a sport or two. Regardless whether they’re real straight bros or more nerdy reserved type bros, there is always a sport that they enjoy. It’s in their DNA (or RNA… we never paid attention in Biology because our Professor was way too hot…)

And because sports are in a straight man’s molecular fiber, one would assume that a gay man possess at least traces of that gene, no? Yes!

The difference isn’t the love of sport… it’s the sport we love that draws the line.

Sand Volleyball

This is the view on most volleyball courts. Come for the game... stay for the man candy.

Enter volleyball. Gay men love volleyball. They can’t get enough of that shit. Go to any sand volleyball court right now, and we guarantee you that you will find at least twelve shirtless men playing volleyball while simultaneously #tanning. It’s a two-for-one, and gay guys are always trying to multitask.

Bump! Set! #Flip!

On the inverse, straight guys don’t really get volleyball. Sure it’s a sport. Sure it requires teamwork and above average physicality. They’re willing to acknowledge it as a great sport for women to play (have you seen those tights?? jackpot!), but it isn’t a sport they’d take up for themselves.

Why? You ask. Believe it or not, straight bros associate sport with physical contact. (In case you’re dumb, in volleyball there really is none…). It’s been that way since ancient Rome when Gladiators used to get together and wrestle each other until one of them died. If there isn’t a physical test of strength, straight men would rather pass.

It’s why they love football… hello! Every play ends in a physical heap, where only the strongest survive. Boxing? Sign them up! Basketball… sure, they’ll watch that too.

There is something inherently stimulating to a straight bro about pushing up against another straight bro- in the manliest of ways, of course- and demonstrating that he’s physically bigger, stronger, and tougher than the other. It’s how cavemen used to demonstrate to cavewomen that they were superior. Fact.

Volleyball

You: Magic 8 Ball, will I find a str8 boi at volleyball today? Magic 8 Ball: It is decidedly so.

Because volleyball lacks this fundamental salt lick that straight bros require in their sporting, it’s been whittled down to the sport for str8 bois. Guys who still crave competition, but would rather get their physical contact elsewhere… and #naked…

If you think you’re going to suss out a #DTB athlete with a six pack at the basketball courts, think the fuck again.

So the next time you’re out at the park cruising for str8 bois with cosmo mix in  your Nalgene  bottle (because you’re a classy gal, duh), we say roll up those #man capris, take off your shirt as if you’re #Zac Efron at the beach, and join a game of pickup volleyball. We’re almost positive you’ll be picking something else up after…

Good game… good game… good game… here’s my number… good game… good game.

 

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