Tag Archives: Sex and the City

Straight Men Don’t Lingo #2

17 Sep

Here at straight men don’t we’re often asked to clarify what the fuck we’re talking about. Why? Because some peeps don’t know how to speak fag fluently (if you know what movie that quote is from, you’re #so not straight).

Lesson two in SMD Lingo? Flippable. No we’re not talking about Lisa Rinna’s twin brother from Flipping Out!

What the hell does flippable mean? Simply put, it refers to a straight bro who could go either way. Maybe we’re convinced the straight bro is gay because he watches #Sex and the City, orders #Cosmos, and wears #Man capris on the weekend. We haven’t boned him yet, and he hasn’t let us kiss the tip, but until the jury comes back with a verdict, we’re filing him under flippable.

One, two, three... Flip!

Where does the phrase come from? Easy street. It comes from the act of flipping someone from straight to gay. There’s no hidden subtext or witty origin. Imagine flipping a pancake over. Now imagine flipping your straight dude over. Same exact thing!

Flippable guys are like str8 bois in training. They haven’t stepped foot out of the closet yet, but the keyword there is yet. There’s hope. Keep it alive. But like any flippable item, if you turn it too soon, you get a hot sticky mess. Wait for your flippable guy to fully maturize before you go in with your spatula. Trust us.

Also, don’t be fooled. Just because a straight dude does some of the things on the list, doesn’t necessarily make him flippable. Some guys watch #Grey’s Anatomy with their girlfriends. He might be #tan accidentally, from playing frat frisbee or changing the oil in a car.

But the more #straight men don’t violations he violates, the more flippable he becomes. It’s simple math really. 1 + 1 = Down to Bend. Get it? Got it? Good.

P.S. Don’t tell a guy OR his girlfriend you think he’s flippable. There’s no better way to set your stalking back a couple of months and send scurrying back into the deep dark closet. Seriously.

…Sex and the City

15 Sep

I was once talking to a girlfriend of mine who swore that her boyfriend loved watching Sex and the City with her. He found the women “funny” and the way they talked about men and sex “witty” and “realistic“. And while we find the show to possess these qualities, we don’t expect a straight man to do the same.

Why? Because at it’s epicenter SATC goes against every fundamental reason why straight men watch television.

No hot women. No one beating the shit out of each other.

No hot women? What?!?! What about Charlotte?

Charlotte’s pretty, sure. But she lacks a definite ‘I want to bone you‘ quality that draws men to shows like Mad Men. Christina Hendricks? Hell yeah!

Not to mention the fact that half the dialogue is about male genitalia and/or fashion designers. Straight men don’t do designers. Ask Elle Woods… she won an entire legal case around that theory, so clearly it’s a fact.

Somewhere out there, #Ryan Seacrest is wondering if Carrie's Chanel suit will fit him. Bet on it.

Let’s also not forget that the show doesn’t paint straight bros in the best light. Basically, it says you can grow up to be rich, successful, and debonair, and you’ll still end up punching out a Russian ballerina because he stole your favorite horse and moved her to Paris. (Then there’s the string of straight dudes that get dumped… and the one who has a testicle removed). A true straight man would find the show offensive on so many levels.

If a straight bro is watching SATC with his girlfriend, he’s at least considering going #DTB; one or two #cosmos and he’s definitely flippable. If he’s watching it by himself… well, sweetheart your boyfriend is now friends with Dorothy and almost begging a str8 boi to turn him sideways.

Are men really like shoes, Carrie would ask pensively while plucking away at her Mac… maybe. But I’ve never seen a straight shoe in my life, so I’ll give her that…